Brave New World

So Steve Jobs died last week. This led to a not-unexpected frenzy of hyperbole in the media, with normally pragmatic titles such as The Economist proclaiming the death of 'The Magician'. All this is fine really. Goodness knows Mr Jobs was more worthy of the media attention than a lot of public figures. The fuss did start to veer dangerously close to Princess Diana territory, but the man was a genius who achieved a lot.

So why does the current tide of Apple-love (on top of the usual Apple-love) make me queasy? I don't dislike Apple products. They are invariably very good at what they do. But whenever I see a blog post, or a newspaper article, or a friend treating the loss of Jobs like the passing of some kind of messiah I just want to grab them roughly by the shoulders and shout "GET A GRIP" in their faces. So far this has had more of an effect on my friends than newspapers or computer screens.

Maybe I just have a chip on my shoulder. I am a little bit sick of Mac users looking down on their PC-using peers as if they were backward natives struggling to feed themselves, their primitive tools forcing them to live at the mercy of the elements, only one drought/crash away from starvation/losing that word document. I mean spending more money and receiving a better machine as a result shouldn't be anything special, should it? But the Apple branding is such that to buy an Apple product is to be more than a consumer - it is to be a member of an exclusive society. With an extremely intuitive secret handshake.

Of course, after the outpourings of grief and gratitude since the passing of Mr Jobs you could be forgiven for thinking it was a religion. Some Apple fans seem to come across as disciples rather than customers. In fact Googling the phrase "apple disciple" turns up thousands of results; bloggers and forum users proudly claiming to have "converted their friends/family". Steve Jobs is feted not just as a brilliant designer, but as a visionary.

And that there is my problem. Apple isn't the only company with solid branding and superior design. BMW and Dyson both spring to mind. But BMW and Dyson aren't proponents of a vision that I severely dislike. Yes, dislike. The Apple vision makes me miserable. I find the idea of everyone consuming their media, or interacting with each other through near identical rectangles with the same smooth edges just depressing. Elegant this new world is, and intuitive (oh how intuitive), but to me the dream that everyone uses these programs on these machines in this way, smacks of science fiction dystopia. I don't want to join the massed ranks of the Apple congregation. I'll be damned if ever get more excited about an upcoming gadget than the content it's supposed to help me access, or if I let a greedy multinational off the hook because the stuff it makes is pretty. I live a sheltered life, I'll sacrifice some efficiency if I can hold on to quirk and charm. I just need to find a credible alternative to Windows, so I can carry on complaining about this without sounding like a behind-the-times Luddite.

Help me!

Something I like today: Frank, Amy Winehouse's first album.

Something I don't like today: Being forced to look at a large bottle of rum all day when I should be jobhunting.